My Journey Thus Far...

Entering grad school has been one of the most exciting parts of my life thus far. Why? It's because as a grad student I get a sense of what it's like to be an adult but still having the safety of two more years in school.

As a Resident Graduate Director and a full time student, I've come to realize that balancing selfishness and selflessness is more difficult than expected. And after only five weeks into the program, I've noticed that I've developed so much as an individual, although I'm sure that there's more to learn. This position has really helped me figure out some of my strengths and weaknesses. As a reflective individual, I thought it would be beneficial for me to share what I've learned so far.

1. How to Learn and Recover from Failures

Yes, failures will happen from time to time. Not having faced failures often enough growing up, I was finally able to see that I was living in blissful ignorance. Simply put: I don't take my own failures too well. When faced with that type of situation, I tend to stress out and dwell on my mistakes. I'd become anxious and frustrated that things were out of my control.

The pressure I felt made me want to drop everything because I felt that what I was doing was insignificant and meaningless, an effort that I thought would never amount to anything. Because of this unhealthy habit, I had no choice but to push through. In this line of work (Student Affairs), I feel as if I have to learn quickly and learn to get past the discomfort: a lesson I hope my students learn sooner than later.

Eventually, all my worries, doubts, fears, and criticisms faded away. 

Because of this unhealthy habit, I had no choice but to pick myself up (with some help of some supervisors, mentors, family, and friends). Even now as I move forward with this program, I'm learning to overcome my frustrations and begin remembering that my failures do not and should not define me. Slowly, I'm starting to recognize that failures are actually a normal part of life and that it is not a reflection of me as a person. During this process, I also learned that I am my own worst critic; something that I'm also trying to work on. 

In retrospect, being in grad school has taught me to accept and learn from my failures in order to move forward. This experience has helped me challenge myself in more ways than I would have expected. 

 2. The value of familial and personal relationships to help keep me MOTIVATED

If anything, your mental and physical health are very important to maintain. 

Although an introvert, I'm a fairly social person.

There are people who can get through grad school without any social interaction. Some cope with bad moments in different ways. But I will flat out say that there is NO WAY I could have gone this far without the help and support from some close friends and family.

There are just moments where I've needed the support of my loved ones to get through the most difficult of days. Sometimes it's nice to be around people that just listen to your situation, bring fresh eyes to the equation, and help you remember why you're there in the first place. 

Never have I imagined that by being away from my family and best friends would challenge me to constantly keep in contact with them in order to stay motivated. I made a promise to myself that I'd be the best student I could be when I began this program and they're the ones holding me accountable to that promise. 

#scoobydoocrewHI

So thank you to all of my friends and family members who've supported me, either emotionally or financially. Without you, I wouldn't be here.

You are enough. Today, tomorrow, and every day thereafter. You are perfectly adequate, without needing to change a single thing about yourself. This doesn't mean that you aren't allowed to want to grow, evolve or improve. It doesn't mean you don't have flaws. It means you are worthy.  It means that you deserve to love yourself in spite of your imperfections. No matter who you are, where you're from, or what you have been through, you are deserving. Be kind to yourself. You are only human

 3. Work-life balance...and the struggles

  

Never allow your energy or enthusiasm be dampened
by the discouragement that must inevitably come. 

Work life balance is very important in Student Affairs and as an individual that needs a means to take his mind off of things, I've learned to channel my energy into things that I enjoy. Being outdoors and feeling the sun helps me clear my mind. Drawing or photo editing also helps me focus on something other than work. 

Binge watching on Netflix or other TV sites has also become one of my favorite past times. I call this a mind-numbing activity because I am not implicated by any of the decisions the characters make. Although I am affected by the amount of time I spend watching these shows, it helps me relax. 

Moving forward with this whole work life balance thing, I'm hoping to get into an outside league, most likely kickball, and possibly join a dance group...most likely hula but we'll see. I've just learned that there is a benefit of getting off campus and sometimes separating social life and work life. 

4. Work Smarter and Not Harder

A simple philosophy but difficult to achieve without the right tools. Since the beginning of this program, I've learned that multitasking doesn't necessarily equate to productivity.

The other grad students have stated this time and time again but I never knew the meaning until I was swamped with readings and papers. Even my TA told me to focus on things I was interesting in and just skim on topics that I wasn't in to. Once I realized that doing so could save me time and effort, I've become less stressed about school work. 

This idea also empowered me to say NO more often. With so many things happening at once, you just have to know when to put your foot down and defend your priorities. Yes, hanging out with friends is important, but so is finishing a paper that's due the next day. I've found that if there are no boundaries and expectations set, then things will eventually get out of hand.

Overall, I've learned that effective time management is key to getting everything done but still allowing me to keep my sanity. 

5. Communication is an art form

Being the Administrator on Call for the week made me more appreciative of what my supervisors go through. After dealing with parents and frustrated students, I now understand that people have different ways of communicating and the awkwardness of silence actually helps. I've always been good at reading people's emotions so that helps me get a sense of how people are feeling. 

In terms of small groups, I've always known that communication is key but for some reason, I've regressed from doing so. In small groups, I'm usually better at expressing concerns but similar to navigating the space of grad school, I'm also beginning to navigate relationships within the different groups I'm involved in, either with the cohort or with the other housing grads. Because of this added layer, I've become nervous about asking questions and taking a step back, afraid that I may be bringing the group back to square one. However, after some hard conversations, I've learned the asking questions are required and being on the same page as everyone only helps create a better product. 

The Housing Staff out and about 

I've also learned that boundaries are necessary to establish. There were moments during this program where I've isolated myself from the groups because I had a difficult time separating my personal relationship with my work relationships. But in Student Affairs, that's not a simple task to accomplish. Personally, I believe there's a fine line between having personal relationships that affect work relationships but because I live and work at the same place, I had to reevaluate my definition of what that line was. 

This lesson is essential for future student affairs professionals because the sooner they figure out that these lines are blurred, the better they'll  be at adjusting to the difficulties of living where they work. 

6. Enjoy the moments no matter how little they may be

This is a little more self-explanatory. Five weeks in and I feel more confident about the choices that I make and the skills that I bring to the table. 

With that though, I need to constantly remember that it's okay to let loose once in a while and to take this program as a learning experience. It's okay to make mistakes and it's okay to be wrong. What matters is how we choose to move forward from those experiences. 

Finding a means to balance the demands of a social life, a professional life, and school work will enable me to not only succeed, but also keep me from experiencing high levels of stress and, ultimately, burnout. 

I'm slowly learning. I'm learning to take in the good and the bad, one moment at a time. And that's what matters most...the fact that I'm learning.  

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Sometimes a thing, a message, a bit of words finds itself into our path just about at the exact moment we need to hear it.  These moments are best when we had no idea we needed to hear this exact ‘it’ at all.  It’s like the simultaneous hit direct to the soul of ‘you’re okay’ and the sigh of relief of ‘someone else has been there too.’

I hope that this blog post helps someone today.